I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am one with the molecules
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
