No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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