Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
