her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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