and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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