ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
