Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
