nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
