marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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