Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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