I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
