it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
