I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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