why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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