corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
