and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
