You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
