I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
