Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
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You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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