so explain again why im purple
no
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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