WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
