He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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