3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
