mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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