I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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