listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My breasts were aching with rage.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
