wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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