In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
