I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is my gift to your gina
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
