she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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