You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
