They should really pass out barf bags in church
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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