just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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