I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
