shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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