Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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