Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
