perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
