I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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