I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
