Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
