He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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