I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
