All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
