i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
