Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
