Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
