help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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