I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
