And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
