Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
