but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
