you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm having to shit out rocks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
