There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
