I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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