I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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