Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
