I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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