hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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