I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
