It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.