You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
