At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.