as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
