My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.