Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
