Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.

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(425): View more from Washington

please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr

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(585): View more from New York

Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.

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