Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

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(978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko

Replies (47) Good night (5661) Bad night (933)
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(847): View more from Illinois

He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

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(847): He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street. http://tfl.nu/tq30

Replies (7) Good night (3132) Bad night (1184)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

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(907): I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/8kf2

Replies (13) Good night (4493) Bad night (981)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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(647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx

Replies (25) Good night (2285) Bad night (2282)
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(740): View more from Ohio

He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.

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(740): He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker. http://tfl.nu/ldq8

Replies (18) Good night (3837) Bad night (2031)
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(206): View more from Washington

Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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(206): Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/5wes

Replies (6) Good night (1792) Bad night (991)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.

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(412): My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out. http://tfl.nu/7oni

Replies (15) Good night (2644) Bad night (871)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

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(423): It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin. http://tfl.nu/eslz

Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (887)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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(779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p

Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (872)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"

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(651): I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you" http://tfl.nu/co0c

Replies (3) Good night (1288) Bad night (503)
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(546): View more from

As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.

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(546): As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/al3c

Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (760)
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(219): View more from Indiana

I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.

(1-219): View more from Indiana

secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.

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(219): I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo. (1-219): secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world. http://tfl.nu/oy0x

Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (361)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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(312): I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in http://tfl.nu/almk

Replies (7) Good night (607) Bad night (401)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.

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(202): So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end. http://tfl.nu/ej89

Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (296)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.

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(862): That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth. http://tfl.nu/z1m3

Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (364)

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