K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.