Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
