From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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