So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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