He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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