people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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