Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
