Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
