are you so shy because you have an std?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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