The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
