Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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