this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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