Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
